a love letter to yourself <3
I can’t remember if I read it in a book or learned it in therapy, but there’s this principle I think about a lot - it has to do with the implication of keeping or breaking “little promises”. We all make internal commitments on a daily basis whether we are aware of it or not. And we are constantly either holding ourselves to those commitments or pushing them off, thus breaking promises to ourselves.
Think about it - oftentimes we actually start our day by breaking a promise when we snooze through our alarm even though the night before we had an internal conversation about waking up at 6:30 so that we could start our day off on the right foot. This example may seem silly and unimportant, but a series of even small broken promises can snowball into us making other, larger compromises over time. It subconsciously erodes the trust we have in ourselves, and thus erodes our self confidence over time.
The opposite is true as well. One of the best ways to build self confidence is by keeping our internal commitments. Take the snoozing example - if this is an area of weakness for you like it is for me, try sleeping with your phone outside of the bedroom so that you have to physically get up to press snooze. Or, create a morning ritual so cherished that you actually look forward to that 6:30 wake up (here’s looking at you, my sweet Chemex).
If we’re honest with ourselves, we have all seen this play out in more significant and more serious ways. If not within yourself, then maybe with a friend or loved one. Maybe you stopped prioritizing your passions because it was easier to sit on the couch and scroll than it was to keep practicing a skill. Maybe you know someone who decided to go dry for January but kept finding reasons to delay their start. Nothing feels worse than looking back on a block of time and realizing that somewhere down the line you’ve lost touch with yourself. The good news is that we can always find our way back.
This Valentine’s day, write a love letter to yourself.
I suggest turning your phone off, sitting down with a pen and paper, and making a cup of tea or coffee. Get cozy, then dive in with some self-awareness and radical honesty.
Here are some prompts to get you started:
What are three small promises you kept today?
What are three small promises you broke today? Don’t sulk. Just be aware.
Looking back on last year, what are some things you wish you had gotten around to doing?
What are some things you wished you would have stopped doing?
Looking ahead, what are some things you want to accomplish? This year? The next 5 years?
What are some practical steps you can take to reach those goals?
What are the promises you are great at keeping? Pat yourself on the back.
Are there areas in your life where you continue to break your own trust? Make a plan to change this.
XOXO
P.S., showing kindness to yourself doesn’t mean that you let yourself off the hook. Celebrate your wins, and find practical ways to practice consistency.
Your future self is going to thank you.